Wednesday, 14 November 2012

If it's not forever, it's not Love..

It's been exactly 5 years now. I still remember that day when I came inside the class, feeling awfully awkward. Looking out for an empty seat to grab for the rest of the year. I got one, just 2 benches before yours. I never knew about your existence until that day. That day when our class teacher asked me to switch my place with the girl sitting next to your bench. The day I first saw you. Trust me, I always denied this fact, but yes, I liked you from that day itself.

As days passed by, I gathered all the guts it took to look at your side of the class. You tried striking a conversation, but as always, I didn't talk much. Although I was dying to talk to you. We started exchanging notes. I used to write whatever was being dictated by the teacher but you didn't. You just looked here and there, making me feel more awkward and restless. I never let it come out in my expression though.

The recess time. The time when we both used to be with our friends. How I used to HATE those 15 minutes. But you loved it, right? The only time when you could be with your close friends as they where not in the same class.

Before leaving for home, you always used to take my books to complete notes. The reason I always kept my notes up-to-date.

Half year passed by and so did my awkwardness and that shy feeling. We both eventually made two good friends and the four of us had made a little group and used to talk all day. The two of them teasing us & how we used to blush. The days you didn't come to college was my worst days ever. You added me on Orkut and used to fix timing of coming online. We used to chat. Normal chats. That's when your ex caught hold of me and tried brian washing me about you. I started disliking you instantly. I used to cry at night, thinking why did I even fell for a person like you. You always tried to make things clear but I never listened to you. I eventually stopped talking to you. And this is how the first year ended. I was actually waiting it to end.

I had ignored you completely. I went out of town for vacations. Had almost got over you. But destiny wanted something else. I still remember the day when Zak called me up just to say, 'Hey, you both are again in the same class for the next year.' How I hated our teacher for that.

First day, last year. I was completely changed. I started looking a bit more 'girly'. I could see your expression. That amazement. I hated you then, so it didn't please me even a bit. I chose a place completely opposite of your side, 3 rows away from yours. But Ma'am asked me to sit right beside you & made me the Class Representative. I hesitated but I had no other choice.
Yet I requested Ma'am to shift my place, somewhere at the backside. She did. The moment I sat there feeling relieved. You looked back, with the 'Why did you do that?' kinda expression.

Skipping the fights and misunderstandings part, when everything was back to normal and we started talking like how we used to do before. The day you confessed on Yahoo Messenger saying,"Listen, I love you."
I could not believe my eyes, made Payal to pinch me hard & that idiot took a good advantage of it. I didn't mind, I was on cloud 9 already.

Months passed. We both were suppose to study hard for the boards but we didn't. As the farewell day was about to come in a couple of days, I was feeling low and you asked me the reason behind it. I said in a very low, cracking voice, 'I don't feel good at all. After boards, our marks will decide which college we will be in. We might not get in the same college. We wont spend time in college together. You will make new friends. You might even leave me..' You looked at me, smiled and said, "You think so much! Listen, if two people love each other, they be together. Distance doesn't matters. Come what may."
I was about to cry but I didn't. I didn't wanted to look stupid. Those words of your made me feel so good. I would have been less broken, if only I had any idea that you would never stick to what you said...

You left me. It took me one month and a slap from my Payal to realize the fact that you cheated on me. You had, in fact you still have no idea what I had gone through. If you had any idea what you had done to me, you wouldn't have had the guts to come back and try to flirt with me. It took me years to get over you. Trust me, it was the toughest thing I have ever done in my life. But it wouldn't have been possible if I didn't had these people in my life.

Payal, Preeti, Karan, Adwin, Sharib, Allwyn, Zoya. I owe you guys a lot. You guys had warned me about him but I didn't listen to you guys and I will regret it all my life. I regret having feelings for you at the first place. I don't hate you. But I hate those memories that we had together which haunts me every night.

And yes, I would thank you for a few things. You made me strong enough not to fall for people like you. I was too innocent not to understand someone's intention or be observant enough. Now I am. Now when I sit all alone and think about our relationship, I feel a little dumb. Yet I am happy that I didn't even let you hold my hand or anything that you asked me for. Thank God.

I am completely over you now, finally. The moment I think of you, I smirk and say to myself, "If it's not forever, it's not love"


  1. Cool! I wish my Journal was that poetic :)

  2. Sweet and Nostalgic...just how you meant it to be.
    Keep writing girl!

  3. Remembering my firt love too, how can it be so painful sometimes. complete